It has been over 3 years now but I remember every moment like it were yesterday. Looking back now, I myself was just a kid (a 25 year-old married kid) having a baby. I had no clue what lie ahead for us. I was excited and nervous, but mostly excited. You were a miracle and I couldn’t wait to meet you.
Part 1 – trying to conceive you
We tried for 6 months to conceive you. That isn’t very long in the scheme of things, and esp. compared to people will real infertility issues, but to me it felt like an eternity. I knew I wanted you so badly and I feared that I might not be able to have children. During the sixth month (December 2012) of trying to conceive you, a friend at work pointed out that my thyroid seemed to be swollen. After visiting a doctor and scheduling an ultrasound confirming thyroid nodules, I determined that this was probably the reason we hadn’t gotten pregnant yet. Of course I did online research of my own and I read that the thyroid can greatly affect fertility; some not ever being able to conceive or carry a baby to term. I felt at peace about waiting until we got my health under control before trying again and we decided to stop actively trying until we figured out what was going on.
My thyroid levels were “normal” so I wasn’t put on medication, but the doctor wanted me to take a radioactive iodine uptake test to see what was going on. This test required me to be off of B vitamins for at least 8 weeks before the test since these vitamins could skew the results. I had been taking prenatal vitamins to get my body ready for pregnancy, so I came off of them to clear the vitamins from my system. This 8 week wait saved your life.
I couldn’t get an appointment with an endocrinologist until April. So I knew I’d be waiting until at least then to get some answers.
I had to put you on hold, so I thought. I looked at my nieces and nephews (your cousins that you adore) and longed for a child of my own to love. I prayed and begged God for you. On Christmas Eve, your cousin Ella was adopted into our family and it was a joyous moment. I thought about how maybe your Daddy and I might adopt one day, esp. since I wasn’t sure if we could have children.
Two days after Christmas, I decided to take a pregnancy test. I wasn’t late, but I had taken so many tests over the past several months that it just felt like a normal thing to do every so often (you’ll understand when you start trying to have children of your own).
I waited the normal 2-3 minutes and didn’t see a second line so I just laid the test down and went about my business. When your Daddy got home that evening we had dinner and relaxed like we always did before having kids (ha!). I showed him the test and said “I took another test and it was negative”. He was used to me showing him tests and I was past the point of convincing myself there was a line. This time, though, he said “I see a line!”. It took me by surprise. I was used to “seeing a line” and then him not being able to. I looked at it and there was the faintest line ever. I couldn’t believe it. So I didn’t.
We decided to go to the drug store and buy the expensive tests and wait until first thing in the morning to test again.
I woke up at 6am. That was very early for me back then.
I was shaking when taking the test.
I waited what seemed like forever (3 minutes).
It was positive.
Still shaking, I woke your daddy up and told him the news.
It was a moment I’ll never forget. One of the happiest moments of my life.
I began praying from that very moment that I would be a good mommy.
If I had taken that radioactive iodine uptake test, it would’ve been in your earliest days – days before I would’ve gotten a positive pregnancy test. It could’ve prevented me from ever getting that positive pregnancy test.
I knew right away – God. No one but God. He created you in my womb. He has a powerful plan for your life. Thank you Lord for this precious gift!